Missile Toast

Missile Toast Time Line

2500 BC - Pharaoh Khafre has a vision in which he sees a great Christmas recording bringing peace to a troubled world thousands of years in the future.  Deeply moved by the vision, he orders the erecting of a great monument honoring the two bringers of the magnificent Christmas recording.  His design for the monument calls for the head of the guitarist, Richard, to be placed on the body of the pianist, Edward.  That monument becomes known as the Great Sphinx of Giza and is very inaccurate.  Pharaoh Khafre unexpectedly dies before the unveiling of the fabled CD in December 2009.    

1491 - Columbus sails the ocean blue in search of the perfect Christmas CD.  Scientist would later alter the date of the voyage to 1492 in an effort to rhyme the date with ‘blue’ - thus making the date easier to remember and giving school children a better chance at a check plus.  Columbus would later return to Europe in shame having only a newly discovered country to show for his effort and not the ‘ultimate’ Christmas CD he had promised to deliver.  As punishment he is forced to work every year on Columbus Day while the rest of the world takes advantage of the numerous one day sales. 

1555 - An up and coming prophet by the name of Nostradamus has a vision similar to Pharaoh Khafre concerning Missile Toast’s very awesome Christmas CD.  He writes about his vision but it is inaccurately interpreted as the assassination of JFK.  Book sales suffer because of the error.   

1621 - After spending their first few months in America building houses and outdoor malls, the Pilgrims decide it is time to focus on their reason for coming to the new world - to search for the best Christmas CD ever.  They pick an arbitrary Friday in November to start searching, or in old English ‘shopping’.  In an effort to build up their strength for ‘the great shop’ they consume a large meal the day before, advertised locally as ‘the great Christmas CD hunt eve dinner‘ - later shortened to Thanksgiving.  Local shop owners offer huge discounts on supplies Friday morning and extend their return date until after Christmas (store credit without receipt) .   

October 28th, 1886 - The Statue of Liberty is officially unveiled to thousands of spectators in New York.  While the Statue forever provides a field trip destination for 4th and 5th graders in New Jersey, it has no bearing on Christmas at all and amounts to nothing more than a distraction in this time line.   

2009 - Under the name Missile Toast, Rich and Ed release the greatest Christmas CD of all time.  The CD receives glowing reviews by both Rich and Ed.